I Will Not Die In Kerr

from by Primer & Grayscale

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about

A spoken word poet by the name of Josh Mozug once said: “I don’t believe in moving on…but I believe in moving forward.” It is not the often-impossible task of leaving behind your situation, but it is asking the question: “so what now?” It is not pretending to be okay when you’re not, but it is grasping at the hope that there is something okay to long for. It is not denying the real pain that you experience, but it is refusing to make that pain your identity. It is not accepting the unsatisfactory answers that you have always been given, but it is finding contentment when the answers you want are unfindable. It is not the battle for certainty; it is the open vessel that can receive assurance. It is not complacency, but it is intentionality. It is not the self-inflicted wound of solitude; it is the comfort of solidarity. It is not the stagnant stench of apathy, but it is the uphill battle of care. It is not the black hole of meaninglessness; it is the steady excavation of unapparent patterns. It is not “this is who I am”, it is “this is who I want to be.” It is not the sudden flick of a light switch; it is the trail of broken matches leading up to the bonfire. It is not the beaming sun, but the pinprick of light at the distant end of the tunnel. And though we walk in the dark through mire three feet deep, that pinprick on the horizon must pull our weary feet forward until we pass into its light. Everything is not how it should be…but when we get there, it finally will be.

lyrics

I was alone in my attic
The air was thick, stale, and wet
And I could already feel it creeping in

Like there’s a ghost in my body
And all my sins were laid bare
I felt my skin and my bones turn into air

I tried to float through the ceiling
I tried to end it right there
I was so fucking tired of being scared

Well my body sputtered out, I collapsed in the chair
But the silence beat like gongs into my ears
So I dragged myself to the window in fear
And told myself that no one would care

Then someone spoke in the silence
I heard her voice from downstairs
And the next thing I knew I was in the air

Then my face hit the pavement
I felt my walls closing in
Every fiber inside of me screamed “this is it”

But I felt a hand on my shoulder
Heard someone calling my name
And I opened my eyes to her smiling face

Well she didn’t say a word, but that smile on her face
Said more than any tongue could hope to say
Well she pulled me up, from the ground where I lay
And for the first time in years I wasn’t afraid

With tears in my eyes I begged her to stay
The ghost was gone, now we could be safe, together
And she said to me, you’ve gotta be brave
The world still hurts, you can’t run from the pain

We’re all born free but made to live in chains
The ghost might be gone, but darkness remains
We all feel suffocated under the weight
But if you can’t love then nothing will change

Well guide my hands and carry my feet
Where sidewalk and sky can finally meet
And once I’m there I know I will see
That everything is how it should be

credits

from Where Is Winter?, released April 22, 2017

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Primer & Grayscale Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania

Primer & Grayscale is a lyric-driven indie/punk/emo band from Beaver Falls. We're dedicated to making art that is honest, heartfelt, and thought-provoking.

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